This post may cause some contriversy, but I doubt it. Because the things I am about to write, I am sure that most mothers have at some point thought of, but no one talks about any of this.
My disclaimer is that I love my children with every fiber of my being. My world would end if they were not in it.
I became a mother at a young age. I was 21 when my oldest was born. It was a surprise. I had been in the army and chose to get out. I loved the army, it was my life. So now everything that I knew about myself and my world was gone. And now I am a mother and a military spouse. That is a big change for someone that age. The best interest of our family is that I would be a stay at home mom (SAHM). This is not something I had EVER considered in my life beforehand. I thought I would be a doctor, or do 20 years in the army. But now, being a SAHM was the best option for us because of child care costs. So like most people, I searched for other SAHM and found playdates and meetup groups and thrust myself into the belly of the SAHM beast. I think that this beast is completely self contrived because there is this false sense of the things we are "suppose" to do. We are "suppose" to have the biggest birthday parties, the best stuff for our kids, this particular car seat. We should agnoize over the type of shoes we put on their feet. And it is a mob mentality when you are surrounded by it. I thought this is my role, this is what I am "suppose" to do. Moms don't go out with friends. Moms might get together for coffee once in awhile, but that is our alloted time out.
I completely lost myself. I lost the woman my husband fell in love with. I lost the things about myself I loved. I didn't know who I was anymore because I though I had to be this person I wasn't. And I will be honest here, I resented my kids for it. Not a lot of course, but deep down, every so often, I would be upset at the life I know had, feeling like I lost all those dreams I had once held. I would do things to try and fill that void. I tried 3 different selling things, none of them filled it. I tried school online in a field I hated only because I could go online, I hated it. I tried to work even, but the payout at the end of the month was not worth all the effort and time. Funny how when I worked, I missed the kids.
It took 6 years and many failed hobbies later to start to see myself again. I may have "lost" my twenties, but now I am not worried about going out or having a few drinks, or enjoying a random hobby that isn't "motherly-like." I still struggle greatly to be a SAHM. I was not built for it and it took me awhile to be able to do the job. Now my kids are a little older and I am seeing the light. The light you forget about during those early years.
You see, you always hear to treasure you kids when they are babies and young, because they will never be that way again. But with your first one, and maybe second, it is hard to do that because you are trying to survive. Then later you realize you made it through those years and it's 5 years later.
I think what I am trying to say is not lose yourself. It is easy said than done. You may not even know that you have until you sit down and think about it. I may have changed my goals and dreams slightly, but they are still close to